


Heaven is a Place on Earth

by seasidemeow



Series: Heaven's gates are shut / The Last Angel on Earth [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bad Parent John Winchester, Dean did what he had to do to feed Sammy when they were kids, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Homophobic John Winchester, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Past Prostitution, Past Sexual Abuse, Protective Castiel (Supernatural), Smut, Supportive Sam Winchester, Traumatized Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:01:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29360736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seasidemeow/pseuds/seasidemeow
Summary: Part 2 of my Destiel fic. Post series fix-it.Cas has returned to Earth after Dean prayed to him. Dean has to face personal demons, sowed there by his father before he can truly be free. Sam is a supportive younger brother. Castiel is a protective boyfriend. Fluff and domestic fluff in this part.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Series: Heaven's gates are shut / The Last Angel on Earth [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2142027
Kudos: 20





	1. Sneaking around...

**Author's Note:**

> So this is part 2.  
> Trigger warnings for past child abuse, homophobic language, homophobic retoric

The road was shining in the morning sun, the music was happy and the interstate empty. Not many people had business on that side of the county. Dean glanced at Cas. The Angel seemed calm and happy but somehow, with each mile they got closer to Sam, Dean was increasingly more nervous. _What, are you a pansy, Dean? Why are you watching a movie with frigging poofs?_ John’s voice whipped his mind. Dean inhaled sharply. 

“Are you alright, Dean?” Cas asked softly 

“Huh? Yeah, sure, why? What’s wrong?” 

“You seem….troubled by something Dean” 

“Well…uhm…” Dean thought about Sam. _” Yeah…I…I did that….I blew Cas and it felt GOOD, it was the first time it actually FELT GOOD but… what would Sam think, I can’t tell him like that “here’s Cas and by the way, he’s my gay lover”, that’s NOT the way to do this”_. Dean felt his heart racing, the weight of his actions crushing down on him, hard."

“Dean.” Cas said firmly. “You can tell me anything, I am here for you, and you just need to trust me.” 

“yeah sure…sure thing Cas” 

“Are you having second thoughts? About… about us?” 

“What? No. This feels right to me, I want this, Cas. It’s just that… I don’t know how to tell Sammy and… I… I’m….” Dean was lost for words. Deep down he knew what he feared the most but he found himself unable to speak the words. 

“You’re afraid Sam will reject you, us. Is that it? You’re afraid you’ll lose Sam if you tell him?” 

“I…” Dean turned to stare at Cas. The angel knew him better than himself, it seemed. “Yeah…I guess so. I don’t know how to tell him. I didn’t even tell him about what you told me back there, I just… buried that stuff, buddy. It was too painful. And…well I NEVER told anyone that I…uhm…that I liked dudes and…” Dean was a mess, he realized. All of the things he kept buried and sealed away were bubbling too close to the surface for comfort. 

“I must tell you, Dean, I don’t think Sam will reject you. But you’ll tell Sam when you’re ready. I’ll wait however long it takes, and in the meantime if you want to continue to…*air quotations* _learn_ , well, I am *air quotations* _down for that_ as well.” 

“Really? Do you mean that Cas? You’re not mad if we…sneak around for a while? Until I….until I find a way to tell Sammy?" 

Instead of giving him an answer Cas placed his hand on the hunter’s knee and squeezed tight. Dean left his right hand fall on top and interlaced his fingers with the angel's. They drove in silence for the rest of the trip to the diner. 

*

* * *

“Cas?! CASTIEL!” Sam flung himself on the angel, pulling him in a tight, brotherly hug. “How? I thought the Empty took you, Dean said you were dead! How? What?” Sam moved his eyes from Dean to Cas and back to Dean. 

“It seems God IS omnipotent, Sam. Jack pulled me from the Empty, again. Restored my grace, restored my wings. I am in perfect working condition. I haven’t been whole since before Metatron stole my grace but now I am 100% back.” Cas smiled at the towering hunter. 

Cas and Dean seated themselves on the same side of the dinner table, opposite the younger Winchester. Sam pushed menus in front of each of them. Dean started idly reading one. 

“Well I am happy Jack interfered there! And you came to see us!” Sam was all smiles and sunshine. 

Cas glanced at Dean, to check on the hunter before replying carefully. 

“I was caught up with heavenly duties. Jack needed my help restoring Heaven and understanding some more complex Angel relationships. Dean prayed to me and I came down, yes.” 

” You prayed?” Sam scoffed towards his older brother

” Yes, Sam, I did. I sometimes pray to Jack. This morning I prayed to Cas. I figured he’d be bored out of his mind in that place so I prayed, telling him about the latest in the Winchester Saga. I nearly crashed the car when his feathery ass landed in the passenger seat." 

“Fortunately the interstate was empty, so Dean didn’t crash the car. It would have been infuriating if he died just two weeks after we won against Chuck” Cas snickered. 

” I am very happy you’re here. We should order and then talk some more.” Sam made a sign to the waitress, a petite twenty-something blonde girl. She smiled at the three men and had her pen and notepad ready. “I’ll have an omelet with some mixed salad. Coffee, black. Dean? Cas?” 

” I want bacon and eggs and pancakes with honey and blueberry jam and uhm coffee, black. Thanks” 

” Just coffee for me, thank you,” Castiel said

The waitress smiled, gathered the menus. Sam gave a “thank you” nod and returned to Cas and Dean. 

” So, you’re back at tasting molecules, right?” 

“ Yes but the molecules in coffee are nicely arranged. I do enjoy drinking the beverage” 

Sam and Dean both laughed. 

“You are so dorky, Cas.” Dean sighed with a soft smile on his face. Underneath the table, he brushed his fingers on Cas’ thigh, halfway between his knees and his pelvis. He felt Cas react to the touch. Across the table, Sam didn’t seem to notice anything. 

” So what’s in store know for you, Cas?” Sam asked 

“I’d like to assist you and Dean on this masked vampire hunt. I believe an extra hunter will prove to be crucial.” 

“That’s fantastic. Will you be returning to Heaven after that? How is Heaven? Is Jack alright?” 

Cas told Sam what he told Dean in the car. Sam’s eyes widened. 

“So if angles what to come down and fish or enjoy farming they can just quit their jobs, make themselves meat suits and kick back and relax?” 

” In a way yes. Jack believes free will is sacred. “

“What about, you know…” Sam seemed to avoid a certain word but Cas failed to meet him halfway. “you know, Cas… what about sex? Wouldn’t it be a risk for other Nephilim to be conceived?”

“The vessels made from holy clay will be infertile”. Cas shrugged. 

The waitress brought their food and coffees. Dean was stuffing the eggs and bacon in his face, Sam was delicately portioning his omelet and Cas was sipping his coffee.

“Heaven truly is beautiful now. It’s open. Anyone can meet anyone, friends and family can visit each other. It’s how it should have been all along. I wish you could see it”

“Whoa whoa there, what’s that supposed to mean, buddy?” Dean seemed offended. “I suppose we’re going, I mean….God is literally our son!” 

”…I, ...well, ...obviously you’re going Dean, but I don’t want either of you dying young. It will take years before you will see it. Then again, maybe it’s better this way, I can still bring improvements” 

“Do you take requests? I have some GREAT ideas!” Dean was grinning 

“Dean, come on, man, Heaven doesn’t need every number of Busty Asian Beauties” Sam rolled his eyes 

Dean opened his mouth but it was Cas that answered 

“Actually Heaven already has every number of Busty Asian Beauties” 

.  
Dean and Sam were gaping at Cas while he casually, slowly sipped his coffee, almost like he knew he needed to pause dramatically before continuing.

“Things like movies, books, magazines, food, drinks….they are all created by the will of the souls. So if you, Dean will wake up in Heaven wanting cherry pie it will materialize on the counter. If you want every number of a pornographic magazine, well, they will also materialize. Instantaneously.” Cas raised his eyebrow at Dean while the hunter starred with his mouth agape at him. “Close your mouth, Dean” 

“What about…historical texts or occult stuff” 

“Any book. Any magazine. Any movie. Anything” 

“Doesn’t that get boring? Having anything at any time?” 

“DUDE. Of course not. What about beaches?" 

“Beaches?” Cas’ head tilted. 

“Yes Cas, beaches. You know sand between your toes, margaritas in each hand. Oceanview, soft ukulele playing in the background. Paradise.” 

” There are no oceans or beaches in Heaven. 

“Why? It’s beautiful! It’s nice and warm! Paradise! If it doesn’t have beaches I ain’t going Cas. You need to fix that. Which means that after this hunt, we’ll go east to Florida. Find a good beach. I read in one of those Buzzfeed type of countdowns that Clearwater Beach is the best in the USA. We’ll go, you’ll learn and make one in Heaven. Toes in the sand!” Dean was happy. Sam noticed that. He’d never seen his brother so happy these past few years. 

“That sounds good, Dean. You’ve talked a lot about that beach vacation.” Sam acknowledged 

Dean patted Cas on the back. They started talking about the impending nest raid for the rest of the breakfast. 

*

* * *

Sam, Dean, and Cas were circling the nest, machetes in hand. They entered the nest carefully, sun shining through barn windows and cracked wood. Footsteps behind and in front told them the vamps knew they were there. 

Dean turned on his toes, jumped backward, and swung strongly, taking the head off a vampire. He saw Sam fight two at once and Cas was dodging blows from three others. Dean noticed Cas was wielding his own angel blade, the machete forgotten on the floor. Dean was taken on head first by another vampire. They struggled, arms interlocked, the vampire pushing Dean backward towards a support column. Dean managed to get his footing back and caught the vamps' left leg with his own, pulling the leg from under him. Dean turned the vamp around and pushed him hard in the column. It turned out it had rebar sticking out and the vamp was now impaled on it. Dean took his head off. A sudden flash of bright white light told him Cas was tired of killing vampires the hunter way. Dean turned and took the scene in. Two vampires were dead, scorched eyes and all, Sam was panting over two more bodies, another three dead, scattered across the floor. All three hunters started a thorough search of the lair. They found four more vampires and killed them all. 

“Good thing you came, Cas. There were more vamps than we anticipated. We would have been overrun. Thanks, buddy” Dean patted Cas on the back, between his shoulder blades. He left his hand there and, absent-mindedly bumped his shoulder with Cas’ in a weird, incomplete, side hug. Sam turned his head in confusion watching the awkward interaction. 

“You are welcomed, Dean. I am happy to assist you.” Cas smiled. They seemed to have forgotten Sam was there at all. 

*Cough, cough* Ok, guys. So we have to clean this up. I’ll…uh…go get the shovels.” 

They spent the rest of the day burning vampire bodies, digging graves, and cleaning blood. 

They got in Baby and started driving, gunning for Lebanon. It was never a good idea to stay after effectively chopping 10 bodies and burying them. And certainly not a good idea to show up at the motel covered in bloodstains. 

Ten miles in, Dean started laughing. Sam furrowed his brow in confusion. 

“Dean?” Sam asked

“Cas, buddy. Can you clean up the blood from our clothes, so we don’t look like Tom Hanniger exiting the mines?” 

“Yes, I am able to do that”. He snapped his fingers and all the bloodstains disappeared. 

Sam sighed heavily and turned to Cas in the backseat. 

“Cas, we could have gotten back to the motel. Take a shower, steal a few hours of shuteye. Why didn’t you do this earlier?” 

“The thought didn’t cross my mind” Cas was honest. 

“Hey, bitch leave the guy alone. He’s a multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent, he doesn’t get all these human stuff.” 

“Well, jerk, he was human and almost human for years. I’m tired. We’ve been digging graves for hours.” 

Dean pulled Baby in the side of the road. 

“That’s it, you get cranky like an old lady if you don’t get sleep. So switch it up. Cas comes up in front, Sam, go crash in the back.” 

*

* * *

Sam opened his eyes in the backseat of the Impala. He had no idea how many hours he’d slept. Dean’s winter jacket was keeping him comfortably warm. He looked up, sleep still clinging to his eyelashes and what he sees really wakes him up. Castiel, wearing just his suit was driving Baby and, adding insult to injury, Lizzo could be heard from the radio. Sam glanced at the passenger seat and sure enough, his brother was dozing off, covered by the angel’s trenchcoat. _“What’s happening? Is Dean ill?”_. Before Sam could straighten up and ask Dean if he was hit by a sudden illness, his brother stirred awake. As the younger and curious sibling, Sam pretended he was asleep. 

Lizzo was replaced by California Gurls. _“Dean…isn’t saying anything about the music? What the actual fuck.”_ Cas was humming the lyrics. Sam tried not to place his confusion on his face. He almost lost it when Dean joined him. 

“Where are we? How long has it been?” Dean asked 

“Two hours, give or take. If I keep this pace we could be at the bunker in another nine.”

“Sam is still asleep, despite your singing. Well, I think we should find a motel, there has to be one closer. We need beds. And a shower, even though you cleaned us up.” 

”We’ll be home in nine hours. I can drive the whole way, it doesn’t bother me. Why would we stop now?” 

Sam heard Dean giggle. 

“Well Cas, I had a very interesting dream….”

Sam heard muffled whispers and tentatively opened his eyes so he could see between his lashes. Dean was whispering in Cas’ ear. Sam heard the Impala’s engine roar as it picked up speed. Dean chuckled. 

“I’m glad I picked your interest. Let’s see….there’s a motel on a side road, 20 minutes from here. Second on the left.” 

Sure enough 20 minutes later they were at their destination. Sam pretended to be awakened by Castiel. Dean had gone to secure rooms. He came back with two keys. 

“Here’s your key Sammy. Tonight Cas and I are sharing. And we’ll switch it up. Next time Cas’ll have the single, then me, then you again. That’s…uhm…fair.” 

In two minutes Sam was alone by the Impala, duffle bag on the shoulder looking at his brother while he eagerly shoved Castiel through the door. _“I guess I am NOT surprised but…why wouldn’t Dean tell me?”_

*

* * *

As soon as the door was shut Dean grabbed Cas by the lapel of his suit and pressed a hungry, desperate kiss on his lips. Cas moaned his name in his mouth which went straight to Dean’s dick. They were kissing passionately, deeply, lost in sensations. 

“I missed your body, your taste, Cas. I…. don’t know what it is about it, you just smell like wildflowers and mountains and taste sweet ...buddy I’ve never enjoyed kissing someone this much.” 

“I’ve never felt this happy in all my eons of existence. You complete me, Dean.” Cas leaned in to press another kiss but Dean had straightened out and was on high alert all of a sudden which made Cas extend his grace to gauge their surroundings. They were alone in the room. Cas could sense Sam in the one next to them to the left while on the right the room was empty. 

“Dean?” 

“Don’t say that. DON’T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT” Dean seemed to spiral, eyes darting across the room. Cas felt his heart sink when he realized what scarred his lover so badly. 

“The Empty won’t take me, Dean. Jack voided the deal. I am here, and I am here to stay. Nothing will tear us apart, Dean. We’ll be together here, on Earth for as many years as you have and then, when the time comes I’ll take you up and we’ll share eternity in Heaven. Dean. I am here and I’m not leaving again. I love you.” Cas cupped Dean’s jaw and maneuvered his head so they were looking into each other’s eyes. Tears were gleaming in the green eyes. 

“Cas...I…you sure? Eternity? In Heaven? With me?” 

“If you’ll have me” 

“Always. Cas, I need you.” 

The barrage in Dean’s mind failed and he was sobbing on Cas’ shoulder. 

“I was so lost without you Cas. I could barely function. I didn’t….I didn’t even try to search for a way….I just….I just drove wherever Sammy told me to…I…I drank. A lot. I drank all the time. I am so sorry Cas. I wanted to tell you, you know…I …I “ Dean clung to Cas’ arms and the angel pulled him tighter in his embrace, humming a soothing song. 

“Stop blaming yourself. I am here. You are here. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay” and the humming resumed. 

Slowly, Dean’s breath slowed and regulated. He settled his forehead in the crook of the angel’s neck. 

“What are you singing?” 

“It’s an enochian song. We… we sometimes sing to new arrivals, if they had violent, unexpected deaths they tend to be…a bit frayed when they wake up in Heaven. So we sing.” 

Dean got up and looked Cas straight in the eyes. He lost himself in the ocean blue eyes. Cas pressed a chaste kiss on his lips and somehow that quick kiss was more intimate than anything they did until then. 

“You should take a shower. It will make you feel better. Let the water wash away your fears.” 

“Join me?” 

“Yes” 

*

* * *

Dean was naked under the shower, water flowing in his head, his neck, his back, his hips, his thighs, his calves, his feet, his toes. It was washing away everything. He faintly sensed Cas climbing in. He turned and saw the naked angel standing there, watching him. They switched places, Cas getting wet under the showerhead. 

” This is pleasurable. Feeling the water across the skin” 

” Yeah, it’s nice, I guess. I like it too” 

Cas turned, picked up Dean’s All-In-One hair and body wash, and placed a decent amount in his hand. 

“Come closer, and lean a bit” 

Dean complied and sighed with relief when Cas’ hands were massaging his scalp. It felt so good to be cared for. Next Cas picked up the sponge and started scrubbing Dean’s body from head to toes, placing chaste kisses in the path of the sponge. Dean was elated, he’d never felt so at peace. 

“Cas I….”

“Don’t speak. I know. Just…enjoy yourself, Dean” 

Cas gently maneuvered Dean back under the showerhead to rinse off the suds. Dean didn’t remember feeling so loved. Cas was singing softly, almost like a whisper, but a different song, in English. Dean couldn’t make out all the words, but when Cas leaned closer to rinse his hair he heard it _And every breath, we drew was Hallelujah, Hallelujah”_

Once completely rinsed Dean let himself be dried with a towel by Cas. They went back into the room. Cas was still softly singing and Dean’s soul was vibrating with his voice. Dean lazily asked himself if he somehow heard his true voice, if that is why this was so calming. He didn’t ask it out loud. Cas extracted pajamas from Dean’s duffle bag and helped him get dressed. 

“You should take my spare pajamas or t-shirt. You’re not going to bed in that damn suit” 

Cas smiled and dressed in one of Dean’s old shirts and his own boxers. They got in bed and Dean curled in a fetal position next to Cas. The angel kept singing softly while petting Dean’s hair. The hunter felt himself falling asleep. 

*

Next morning, Dean woke up curled on Cas’ chest. 

Dean lazily took in his surroundings. The TV was on, muted, with subtitles activated. A nature documentary about Yosemite Park was on. Cas was watching engrossed and hadn’t notice Dean was awake, so the hunter decided to be mischievous, especially since his morning hard-on was tenting in his boxers. He slid his arm underneath the angel’s boxers and cupped his dick. Cas gasped. 

“Dean?” 

“Heya gorgeous.” 

Dean kissed Cas and moved to straddle him. He took off his shirt and resumed kissing Cas, hands cruising underneath Cas’ borrowed shirt. Cas shimmied his boxers off, his erection slapping back on his stomach, and then got to work on Dean’s. The hunter parted from the Angel so they could get undressed. Completely naked they interlocked again. They moaned when their dicks touched and Dean thought he would come just from hearing Cas make those sounds. He was holding Dean by the scruff of his neck as they kissed. Cas was the first to begin thrusting against the hunter’s body. Soon they found a rhythm and they kept at it. Dean felt he was close and curled his hand around both their dicks and started pumping. Cas made an otherworldly sound and started grinding faster against Dean’s hand. They came at the same time, starring in each other’s eyes. Dean collapsed on Cas, content. 

“This is Heaven on Earth, Cas.” He nibbed at Cas’ skin on his neck. Something compelled him to kiss deeper and suck to leave a hickey. He wanted to leave his mark on Cas. Cas moaned and wriggled a bit to kiss Dean on the lips. 

“Yes. It’s the closest to home I’ve felt ever since falling. And somehow…it’s better.” 

_“Cas fell. He fell for me, figuratively and literally”_. A pinch of that pesky, all-engulfing guilt pulled on a corner of his mind. Dean pushed it down but came across something else. Something buried deeper still. _“Those animals are as unnatural as the monsters we hunt. They are headed for Hell. Just demons in the making. What, boy, do you disagree with me? Those queers are a plague”_ John Winchester’s angry face was floating in front of Dean’s eyes. 

“Uhm….Cas…In Heaven, when we’ll get there, how will we look?” 

“However you want. You’ll just look like the age you were happiest at, or at whatever age you decide you want to look like.” 

“And…you?” 

“Well…I’ll match your age.” 

“And you’ll look like…this? Like Jimmy? Wouldn’t that be…awkward for Jimmy?” 

Cas frowned “Well…I’ve made this vessel my body for the last twelve years. It’s been destroyed and remade for me four or five times. I’ve grown to like it. You like it. I see no problem if I keep it. We are not going to live with Jimmy” Cas smiled amused. “And honestly Dean… people can tell the difference between me and him. Angels will always know as they see my true form… Where is this coming from?” Cas was stroking Dean’s cheek. 

“I guess… you know how people say that people like…us…or me go to Hell for…uhm….”

“For homosexual relationships?” 

Dean sighed. Sometimes he wished the Angel wasn’t so blunt, it made him flustered. 

“Yeah, Cas.” 

“That is utterly false. Chuck has always been utterly indifferent to sexual orientation, and you know Jack is. Souls aren’t sent to Hell for who they love. “

Dean smiled and kissed Cas. “So no one is gonna kick my ass to Hell for kissing an Angel wearing a guy meat suit?” 

“No, Dean.” 

“Then, I’ll have you just like this” and kissed Cas again and again and again until realizing they were both hard again. 

“Round 2, honey bee?” 

Instead of a reply Cas just flipped them over and started kissing Dean with fervor. 

*

* * *

Sam looked at the watch again: 11:30 am. Cas and Dean hadn’t come out yet and Sam was almost afraid to go knocking. If he was right about this then it was the ending of at least 10 years of pining and unresolved sexual tension. It meant Dean could be happy for the first time in forever. So Sam waited patiently, looking for cases, sending memes to Eileen. His phone buzzed, he had a reply from his girlfriend. 

“Anything?” 

“No, not yet” Sam texted back 

“Well, I guess it’s a good sign. It means they’re happy” 

“They ARE” Sam replied, adding some suggestive emojis

“Haha. Thin walls? Just remember, don’t tell Dean you know. He needs to tell you this himself” 

“Yeah, I’ll wait for him to come to me with this. Right now, though, I should call him. He’ll be suspicious if I don’t “wake him up” soon” 

“Maybe it’s best, yeah” 

Sam sighed and scrolled to Dean’s name and dialed. He heard the phone ringing in the other room

“SAMMY! What’s going on, huh?” 

“Well, it’s 11:30 am, Dean. We should be leaving soon.” 

“What?” 

“Yeah, I’ve slept in. Seems you did too. I wonder what Cas is doing, I haven’t seen him.” Sam rolled his eyes _“But I did hear him well enough.”_

__

__“I’ll get him and we’ll meet at the car. We’ll check out and find a diner or a gas station to get some grub on the road”_ _

__  
_ _

“Sounds good, Jerk” 

“Bitch” 

Sam laughed and gathered his laptop. Other than that everything was already packed. He had to wait over 45 minutes for Cas and Dean. 

They found a diner half an hour later and after eating they headed straight for the Bunker. Sam was pretending to be blind because there was no other way to ignore the hickey on Cas' neck

*

* * *

The day had long turned into the night by the time they parked the Impala in the Bunker’s garage. They exited the vehicle, humans exhausted after the long drive while the Angel was undisturbed. 

“I’m going to go for a shower. Cas, will you go and get us some grub? I’ll have a cheeseburger, pie DON’T FORGET THE PIE and beer. Sam surely wants some rabbit food.” Dean was already out of the garage. 

“IT’S NOT RABBIT FOOD.” Sam hollered after him

“Sure, bitch.” 

“Jerk.” 

“So…” Castiel rounded on Sam “…what do you want to eat?” 

“Get me a burger too. It’s been a long day. Thanks for going to get food.” 

Cas nodded and left for the exit. He couldn’t fly out of the bunker because of the warding. 

Thirty minutes later they were all around the kitchen table eating in silence. Dean sat next to Cas and even shimmied the chair closer. Sam rolled his eyes internally. _“If THIS is his way of sneaking around I am seriously wondering how we are not all dead”._

“So… how’re the molecules in burgers, Cas?” 

“I have to say…densely packed, overwhelming in complexity, overall an interesting experience. Although I have to admit it’s NOT my favorite molecule arrangement. It tasted better when I was human” Cas answered 

“Oh COME ON, buddy. It’s so good.” 

They attacked the pie slices after. Dean was watching Castiel intently as he took his first bite. Unprompted Cas answered Dean’s silent question. 

“The molecule arrangement is far superior in the pie, Dean. I will eat it again.” 

Dean seemed elated and talked to Sam as he pointed toward Cas: 

“See, he likes pie! There are pies in Heaven, right?” 

“Of course” 

Sam chuckled. His brother was quite adorable when he allowed himself to wear his heart on his sleeve. 

“So, Castiel, what room do you want?” Sam asked. 

Cas and Dean stopped eating, stealing a glance with each other. 

“Last time I stayed here I was in room 15.” Cas replied. 

“Yeah, but that’s more a guest room. I mean you could have it and we’ll make another room the guest room.” 

“Then it’s settled. Cas gets room 15, you have 21, I keep 11, Jack…has 22 if he ever wants to come. We’ll open up another one for guests.” Dean shrugged. 

Later that night Sam was connected to the all-new secret and secure hunter’s chat room, answering questions and solving problems for younger hunters when he noticed Dean browsing the library for books on wall sigils. Dean picked all the wrong books and started reading across the table from Sam. 

Sam was chatting up with a young hunter about Whispers when the opportunity he was waiting for arose. Dean got up to get more beer. Carefully and swiftly Sam made it to the bookcase and grabbed the _“White Witch’s guide to protecting your home and privacy by Dorothea”_ from the bottom shelf and placed it in the pile Dean gathered. Sure enough after skimming through two more books Dean came across it. He seemed a bit confused at the begging but he grinned when he read the table of contents. Sam was relieved. That book had the best silencing spells. Sam was sure Cas could pull them off. _“At least I won’t have to pretend to NOT hear them getting it on. I am actually not going to hear them”_. 

The silencing spells weren’t placed in the hallway and Sam heard Cas making his way to Dean’s room. Sam smiled to himself and texted Eileen: “The idjits still think I don’t know. But they are happy. I’ve never seen Dean so happy. I am happy. I miss you. Dean was thinking we should take a vacation, go to the beaches in Florida. Would you like to join us?”. Her confirmation came fast. Sam smiled to himself, wished her goodnight, and went to sleep. 

In room 11 Dean was falling asleep in Cas’ arms while the angel was watching a bee documentary. For once, they were all happy. 


	2. Down by the seaside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean, Cas, Sam, and Eileen go on their first real vacation

They were all packed in the Impala: Dean driving, Sam riding shotgun, Cas and Eileen in the back seat. _Down by the seaside_ was blaring from the cassette player. Dean was drumming on the steering wheel and singing. They set out early in the morning for the almost 13-hour drive and right now the sun had started setting and they were closing in on their destination. The air was filled with the salty aroma of the sea, and the humidity was clinging to their bodies. 

They reached their hotel just as the sun had dipped below the horizon. This was a proper vacation, so they decided to splurge on a real bonafide hotel with stars, a bar, and a restaurant that was on the beachfront. Dean entered, feeling uneasy and exposed in the bright lobby. He spotted three security cameras. The receptionist gave them her best customer service smile and welcomed them. 

“Hey. We’ve booked three rooms. Eh…two doubles and a single.” Dean smiled as he leaned on the counter. “It’s under the name Winchester. Dean Winchester”. He leaned a bit too much over the counter, smiled a bit too wide, and that did not go unnoticed by Cas. 

“Well, yes, Sir, we have you right here but uhm….with two doubles sir.” 

Dean froze. Did he forget to add the single for Cas? It was true that in the last two weeks they’d never been apart at night and practically Cas lived in Dean’s room but he hadn’t told Sam yet and he was certain he booked three rooms. He remembered checking the hotel’s website, looking at the various options and extras, like ocean view or quiet. 

“There has to be a mistake, Miss. I booked three, I am sure.” 

“Well, Sir, I am sorry for the trouble but the thing is you’ve used our online service and you only selected two doubles. You did add the request for an ocean view, but that is about it. We are currently at full capacity in this location but I could try and find a third room for you at our sister hotel that is in the city. It’s a 30 minutes’ drive from here.” 

“It’s fine, Dean. I will go to the other hotel” Cas chimed in. 

The receptionist smiled and started typing away fast on the keyboard but Dean intervened. 

“No, Miss, it’s fine. I’ll share the room with my friend.” 

“It’s a queen-size bed, Sir” 

“Oh, we’ll just have to see if it fits two kings” Dean joked but regretted it immediately. The receptionist seemed unbothered, Sam was toying with some pamphlets, unfazed and Eileen, well she couldn’t have head him, but Dean… Dean was back at 13 when Dad caught him looking for too long at some male models in some random magazine. 

The receptionist handed them their keys, which Sam had to take because Dean didn’t seem to notice the receptionist dangling them. Sam patted Dean on the back to get his focus back and the party for four left for the elevators. 

“Dean, are you alright?” Sam asked. 

“Yeah, man, I’m just peachy. Tired from the drive is all”. 

*

* * *

Dean was watching Cas neatly placing his clothes in the wardrobe. They went shopping just before the trip and bought Cas beach worthy attire and pajamas, although Cas still slept in Dean’s old T-shirts. Dean studied his angels’ shoulders, arms, his jawline and Dean knew…his angel was pissed. 

“Okay, what’s wrong?” 

“What do you mean, Dean?” 

“Your feathers are ruffled. “

“My feathers are neatly tucked in a different plane of existence, you couldn’t possibly see them in order to asses whether or not they are ruffled. And I am an Angel, not a bird, my feathers don’t *air quotations* ruffle.” Cas answered without turning. 

“It means you’re pissed. Why are you pissed?” 

Cas clenched his jawline and fixed his _I-will-smite-you_ glare on Dean. Dean sunk a bit more into the bed, as if that could save him. Cas returned to neatly folding his clothes. Dean decided there was one way to make it up to his angel. He crept behind him and started nibbling on Cas’ neck just where his hair ended. His arms went up to remove the trench coat. Cas shrugged him off. 

“Dude, seriously, what’s wrong?” 

“Really, Dean? You haven’t told Sam yet, and while I am not going to force you to come out to him I can’t help but wonder if you’re somehow ashamed of me, for being in a male vessel or for being non-human. Like I said, I could try and fix the vessel issue, but I can’t change the fact that I am a supernatural being. Oh, and flirting with the receptionist? IN FRONT OF ME?” 

It struck Dean that Castiel was pissed because he was jealous. He had to add that to the load of emotions he didn’t think angels could feel. 

“Cas, I…” Dean was, yet again, at a lost for words. He was ruining this. _“The very touch of you corrupts”_ slapped from somewhere in the back of his mind followed by _“Careful, Dean! My God, boy you ruin everything you touch”_. Dean raised his arms to touch Cas but he shrugged passed him to place his shower gels in the bathroom. The angel grew to enjoy small things like certain scents or tastes as much as his enhanced senses allowed and Dean’s All-in-One hair and body wash wasn’t one of them, so they bought a whole variety. Dean didn’t complain, especially because they mostly shared shower time. While Cas was busying himself with the bottles Dean stayed there completely frozen. That happened now more often since he’d been with Cas. 

“Dean?” 

Dean didn’t answer, not straight away at least. He could hear the angel but it was like hearing him from afar, from a different world. His body was frozen, yet his heart was racing. 

“I’m… sorry Cas. I am sorry. I understand if you want to leave” 

“I don’t want to leave. I want to understand. Why?” 

“I… I didn’t even realized I was flirting. I guess with women it’s more of a reflex for me. I am sorry I made you uncomfortable. I’ve….I’ve never actually been in a hotel. Only…cheap motels and dingy apartments. I guess I was nervous. I am sorry, I didn’t think anything of it.” 

Cas was still eyeing Dean, not saying a word, listening. Dean took this as an encouragement to keep talking. 

“I’m not ashamed with you. Not for being an angel. As for the guy meat suit, well… I like it. A lot. You really did choose well…

“It wasn’t much of a choice…”

“…but you’re hot. I mean, tall, blue eyes, dark hair, nice body, you’re friggin’ model material, ok? It’s just…growing up Dad always told us, especially me, that boys only like girls…and that boys that like boys…” Dean’s eyes glazed over “…Dad…. Dad would have… he’d… not take this well… being with a guy… and I’m scarred…I’m scarred Sammy won’t want to see me again. I don’t want to lose him and I don’t want lose you and it’s all so…God I wish I was killing Banshees right now instead of talking”. 

“Talking about emotions is difficult for you, I know” 

“I hate chick flick moments, dude, let’s just skip ‘em?” 

“No, Dean, we shouldn’t skip them. We must not skip them. You’re hurting, and talking about your pain is going to help. I am ill equipped to deal with the human psyche but there are professionals that are. I encourage you to seek one, now that we could focus on ourselves. The next Apocalypse isn’t even in sight” Cas tried to joke. He noticed Dean deflected difficult topics with humor so he tried to emulate that. 

“I doubt there are any shrinks in the know, and talking to one about my repressed… my repressed sexuality and my attraction to a bona fide Angel of the Lord with capital A is going to land me in a psych ward.” 

“The world is large, Dean. I think it’s a lot less likely that out of all the psychologists in America not one has encountered the supernatural. And Sam will not reject you, us.” 

“What if he does? I have no idea what he thinks about gays. And I don’t want to ask questions like some dumb schoolgirl, he’ll catch on.” Dean was miserable. This wasn’t a good start for a beach vacation. 

Cas embraced Dean. He caught his lips and started kissing slowly. Dean reached for the tie and started undressing Cas, wanting nothing more than to be completely glued to the Angel’s body. Anything to stop talking about feelings. They stumbled to the bed, throwing bits and pieces of clothing on the way, littering the floor. They dropped on the bed completely naked and Cas straddled Dean, pinning him on the bed, kissing with fervor, worshiping with his lips every inch of skin between the corner of his lips and his collarbone. Dean was melting away from pleasure whispering Cas’ name like a prayer. Cas moved back up, caught his breath and smiled. 

“Such selfish prayers, Dean…. Just be careful to only pray to me” Cas chuckled. 

“Oh….oh no…Oh G- …. NO NO NO” Dean closed his eyes fast, feeling blood leaving his groin and flushing his cheeks. “

Cas laughed and caressed Dean’s scowling face. 

“You’re enjoying yourself right now? Cuz the mood left me” 

“Oh, it will come back” Cas’ eyes were filled with mischief and his hand grabbed Dean’s length and started pumping slowly. 

“Cas… Oh, Castiel…” 

Dean tried to close the distance and kiss the angel but he moved his head back and tutted. He licked his lips and took Dean fully in his mouth. Dean felt his mind go blank, all white and fell back down in the sheets, groaning. When he was almost over the edge Cas let him go and came back to kiss him. Dean protested but then he tasted himself on the Angel’s lips and that alone almost tipped him over. Cas straddled him thrusting over the hunter’s stomach desperate for friction. Dean helped by getting his hand in there. His own dick was throbbing between their hipbones. He opened his eyes to look at Cas and saw he had his lips parted, eyes half open, glowing with blue-white light. Dean went over the edge first, Cas following after one, two, three more thrusts. They laid there for a bit, panting, completely spent. 

“Well…that was some confession, right Cas?” 

“Yes, Dean… the undone and the divine. Bedroom hymns… for us, to us” 

Dean felt he was forgiven for his transgression but he needed to hear it. “Cas… I… Will you forgive me? For flirting with that chick? I’ll do better by you” 

“Yes, Dean, of course, I forgive you.” 

They got up, cleaned themselves and the sheets, and finished putting things away. Dean was tired after driving all day and after divine sex so he asked Cas to skip movies that night to which Cas agreed. Under the covers, Dean nuzzled on Cas’ chest and fell fast asleep. 

While playing with Dean’s hair Cas was thinking about Sam Winchester. How well DID he know the hunter? Would he actually throw Dean out for being bisexual? Cas himself was certain he would not but seeing Dean’s distress he wondered… and started doubting. 

*

* * *

Cas was admiring the view from the balcony. Seemingly endless body of water, screeching seagulls, heat, sand, he understood Dean’s fascination with it. It was beautiful. He felt the hunter’s arms on his waist and then the weight of a head resting on his shoulder. He turned his head to place a chaste kiss on the cheek. 

“Mornin’ honeybee” 

“Good morning, Dean. How did you sleep?” 

“Perfect! I haven’t slept this well in years. Usually, there are nightmares… Hell, Dad, Chuck…losing you… but since we’ve been together there hasn’t been one.” 

“I am glad I could help” 

“You?” 

“I… extend some of my grace to you to make sure you sleep well. The first night you were mumbling in your sleep and quite distressed so I helped you.” 

“DUDE! You’re in my head? It’s not cool!”

“Not really. I don’t read your mind Dean, I just suppress the nightmares” 

“Yeah but how do you know it's nightmares and not me dreaming about sexy times with girls in Zorro masks that have a slapping kink?” 

Cas rolled his eyes at that but he answered him in an even tone “Brain wavelengths, Dean. They are different and I can sense them. I know when you’re dreaming or in deep sleep or having a nightmare or are awake. Sensing wavelengths is NOT the same with reading the thoughts.” Cas turned his head and kissed Dean on the lips. 

“Thank you” Dean breathed in his mouth. He kept kissing him slowly, passionately. 

“I love you” Cas whispered. 

“I know” 

They stayed like that, embraced, watching the ocean together for a few more minutes before they decided they should head to breakfast. 

*

* * *

Eileen elbowed Sam when she spotted the couple-but-not-a-couple making their way to them. 

“Cas seems miserable in those shorts” Sam signed to Eileen

“I’ve never seen him frown so hard” Eileen laughed back. 

She was wearing a summer dress with bees and daisies on it. All the boys had beach shorts and T-shirts on. While Sam and Dean seemed comfortable with the change Cas truly looked miserable. He kept fidgeting with the shorts and scowling at Dean. 

“I don’t comprehend why I can’t stay in my clothes. Why must I wear these? They are too short” Cas said while signing seamlessly. Sam was jealous of the Angel’s ease to sign. 

“Look, Cas this is a beach vacation, you can’t sit in the sun on a beach in a suit and a trench coat. You’ll draw so much attention you’ll make it in the news, or at least some new Godforsaken social media… something. You’ll become a meme. Oh and you DEFINITELY can’t get in the water with the suit and trench coat” 

Cas was utterly indifferent to that argument but nonetheless, he nodded his agreement and sighed heavily while he poured himself a coffee. 

“And what you’re the Angel of Temperance all of a sudden?” 

“No… I’ve always been that.” Cas tilted his head. Dean spat his coffee, some of it landing on the black table cloth. “You didn’t know?” he arched an eyebrow at his “not-lover-just-best-friend”. 

“Dean! It’s in every lore book. Castiel, Seraph, Angel of Thursday, Temperance, Serenity” Sam said while signing and then glared at Dean with his best bitch face. 

“And you don’t like being in shorts around people because you’re the Angel of Temperance?” Dean asked while signing. 

“No, no. I just find it highly impractical to be this exposed. I am unbothered with the relative nakedness.” 

“It’s impractical to be in a suit ON A BEACH, Cas. It’s impractical from a human point of view” Dean stressed and Cas seemed to understand. 

Eileen gently corrected Dean on some sign language, and they ate in silence for a while, Cas just sipping coffee. 

“So what do you want to do first?” Sam asked. 

“Go to the beach,” Dean replied, “stay in the sun, get a margarita. Swim for a bit. You two?” 

“We’ll join you but after lunch, we were thinking of going to a pirate-themed escape room if you’d like to come with us.” 

“What, like puzzles and stuff?” 

“Yeah, you solve puzzles and riddles to get out”. 

Dean shared a look with Cas. The angels flickered his eyes downwards in his coffee cup. 

“Nah, we’ll search for a more…alcoholic pirate experience, maybe go for a walk or just…sit on the beach some more.” 

“Sure, Dean. We’ll meet up again for dinner. Do you mind if I take Baby?” 

Dean didn’t need to answer with words. Sam wished he’d taken a separate car from the bunker. 

*

* * *

They rented four beach chaise lounges and two umbrellas and dragged them to a more isolated area of the beach. Eileen left and brought back a tray with cocktails from the bar. Sam was creaming himself with SPF 50 sunscreen, careful not to miss an inch of skin. Dean picked up a Sex on the Beach and handed Cas a Hugo which he drank much faster than humanly possible. 

“Hey you missed a spot” Dean poked his brother on the back with ice from his cocktail and laughed when Sam jumped. 

“Jerk” 

“Bitch” 

“Here, let me help.” Eileen took the sunscreen from Sam and started working to cover him up. 

Cas picked up a second sunscreen cream and moved toward Dean. 

“Hell no, Cas! I am NOT putting cream on me like a girl” 

“What does your biological sex have to do with applying sunscreen?” Cas tilted his head, “you are just as exposed to the damaging effects of UV light as females. You need to put on sunscreen, Dean.” 

“No!” 

“You may have defeated God but you are not stronger than the Sun.” 

“If I have to, you do too!” 

“Well, now that is illogical, I am an Angel, my grace is significantly stronger, but if that what it takes then so be it.” 

Cas poured too much on Dean’s shoulders and ended up spreading it everywhere on the hunter’s body. Dean just allowed him to handle him, sipping on the cocktail from time to time. Sam and Eileen were extremely busy arranging towels on the chaise lounges. Dean took the sunscreen from Cas and spread some on his back before chucking the bottle in their open bag. The angel didn’t bother to continue applying the cream. He planted himself cross-legged in the sand to pick up a sea shell and study it. Dean stretched in the sun on the chaise lounge and brought the fruity cocktail to his lips. 

“Now this…this is nice. Take notes Cas, when you eventually fly your ass back upstairs you have work to do.” 

Cas nodded absent-mindedly. They all stayed like that for a while, enjoying the breeze and the warm sun, until Dean’s peace was interrupted by his brother’s laughing. 

Sam and Eileen were laying in the shade of the umbrella, chairs squished together, signing fast and giggling. 

“Hey, be more considerate of the elderly will ya?” Sam and Eileen were ignoring him, completely engrossed in their conversation. “And I can’t follow that, you guys are talking too fast!” 

“Stay out of it, Dean!” Sam reproached. 

“You two…. you! Dean was pointing an accusing finger at them “are you talking about me? Not even behind my back tut-tut.” 

“We were making plans that don’t involve you” Eileen winked at him

_“Right in front of my cocktail?”_ Dean turned bright pink. 

Cas seemed blissfully unaware. 

“Dean, I’d like to walk on the beach, find more of these seashells,” the angel said, stretching out his arm to show the hunter three small shells. 

“Yeah, GREAT IDEA CAS” 

The two left to scour the beach, empty solo cups in hand for collecting purposes. 

*

* * *

Sam and Eileen were enjoying the peace and quiet. Sam rubbed his nose on Eileen’s temple. 

“So Dean still hasn’t told you”? 

“No” 

“Sam, everyone knows.” 

“Eileen…everyone knew for years. They’ve been acting like a married couple for years. I mean… all our enemies used one of them as leverage against the other. They never used ME against Cas or Cas against me. At first, I was offended but then I paid attention and realized our enemies had better eyes than me. And now THEY finally know and think we don’t. It’s adorable.” 

“Yeah, it kinda is… but it’s been two weeks Sam. Why isn’t Dean telling you? Why the secrecy?” 

Sam fell silent. He remembered Dad’s comments whenever they stumbled upon a gay couple. 

“I think… Our dad was… old-school. Be a man’s man. I remember once Dean was dancing to… to make me laugh and Dad called him a sissy for it. Actually…. Dad was always on Dean’s case when it came to it. Being a man’s man. Manly men.” 

Sam fell in deep thought. He realized he never paid too much attention to his elder brother while growing up. He knew Dean protected him from the brunt of their father’s abuses and with a bone-chilling sensation came the realization he never thought to ASK his brother just how bad it got. How much did Dean suffer? Did Dean always liked men or is it just a Cas thing? 

*

* * *

The pair walked a while, feet half in water half on the sand. Cas would bend over from time to time to pick up seashells or sea snails. Dean was enjoying himself on the walk, inhaling deeply, looking at the ocean, watching Cas. 

“So what do you want to do after lunch?” 

“You said you wanted to get intoxicated” 

“Yeah, I know I said that but you can’t really get intoxicated. If I’d downed that Hugo like that I’d be singing sea shanties right now. _Soon may the Wellerman come to bring us sugar and tea and ruuuum_. We can’t actually afford to buy you a liquor store. And getting drunk’s lost its charm, I want to do something WITH YOU that YOU’D LIKE.” 

Cas pondered on the question, walking silently next to Dean. 

“I saw a pamphlet for the Aquarium. I’d like to see that.” 

“Okay” 

Dean squeezed his angel’s shoulders and planted a kiss on his temple. 

“Let’s go back to put the shells in the bag and go for a swim.” 

Sam and Eileen were still pressed close to each other, sipping beer and watching some seagulls argue over leftovers. 

Dean waited for Cas in ankle-deep water. 

“Going for a swim?” Eileen signed to Cas when he was close enough

“Yes” 

Cas joined Dean and the two walked in the water straight for a while before going to the left until they were alone in the water. Dean checked to make sure they were away from Sam’s line of view before pulling the Angel in a passionate kiss, tongue and all. Cas gasped in surprise but recovered quickly and grabbed Dean’s thighs, pulling them up on his hips. They were pressed together, kissing. Dean broke off to breathe. 

“Buddy, how do you keep at this, I need to stop to breathe, don’t you?” 

“No” 

“Oh yeah, angel stuff. Grace back to 100%. How does it feel? I guess you’re really happy” 

“I feel whole, I don’t feel helpless anymore. I am happy yes, although sometimes I wish my senses were still human” 

“Why?” 

“To taste you. To taste the food you cook.” Cas kissed him. 

“I don’t think I’d taste that good. And my food is not so great.” 

“Dean” Cas put his scowl on “I heard you say your pies are the best in Kansas. And you always go on about how I taste.” 

“Well you’re an Angel. Of course, you taste good.” 

“Maybe. Nonetheless, I would like to taste and smell like humans do.” 

They started kissing again, slowly, lovingly, whispering I love you‘s and I need you’s in the warm water. 

Eventually they returned to Sam and Eileen only to find the chaise lounges empty. Dean went to get beer and snacks. They laid down close to each other, with beers, waiting for the others, talking about everything and nothing. 

When Sam and Eileen reappeared, both wet and with flush cheeks, it was almost lunchtime so they made their way back to the hotel. 

*

* * *

Cas was fascinated with the fishes in the largest aquarium. He was slightly more comfortable, dressed in his suit. He discarded the tie, to make it more casual. Ties seemed impractical for a visit to the aquarium, from a human point of view, of course. He also left the trench coat. 

He felt a hand low on the small of his back, just a few inches from his ass. Dean was pressed on his side. 

“Hey, honeybee, I couldn’t see you anywhere, lost you back at the sharks. What are you watching?” 

“Angelfishes. They don’t really look like us, but they are beautiful.” 

Dean leaned in and gave Cas a quick kiss on the lips, right there, right then. Cas was ever so confused by his human: he wouldn’t tell his brother about them but he’d kiss him in the middle of a crowded aquarium. They stood there watching the angelfishes a bit more before moving along. 

They were walking side by side. Cas’ grace swelled when he felt Dean’s hand grabbing his own. 

“So… your fascination with nature and animals… I have to ask, why? Weren’t you like there when Chuck made all this?” 

“Chuck didn’t make all this. He started life but evolution still occurred. He toyed with sentient beings for his amusement. I don’t think animals amused him that much. “

Dean nodded

“So they are the only things that really had free will? I mean… before” 

“I guess so, yes. They never knew it though.” 

They spent the entire afternoon at the Aquarium. Dean had to admit to himself he’d never felt so at peace. 

*

* * *

All four left the hotel for a stroll on the seafront walkway after diner. They talked, laughed, reminisced about hunts and wars. 

“Oh, hey, look cotton candy!” Dean squealed. His eyes glinted with hunger. 

“Go get some, Eileen wants some too.” 

“Oh, I… I wasn’t going to get some but I’ll go for Eileen” 

“Buy me one too” Cas chimed in

“Sure, buddy” 

Dean returned victorious with two humongous cotton candy sticks one pink and one white both looking like clouds torn from the sky. He handed the white one to Eileen. 

“Here you go. It has strawberry flavor.” 

“Thank you, Dean” 

They walked in silence for a bit, Eileen tugging big fluffs of candy while Cas was picking small bite-sized bits off his. 

“Hey, buddy do you mind if I…”

“No, Dean, take some” 

Eventually Dean ate the entire thing while Cas held it. They stopped at a trash can to throw the stick and Dean was trying to clean his face with wet wipes. He’d refused any help from Cas, saying it was fun to get it off. 

Sam and Eileen were ahead, talking in ALS. They were too far away to make sense of what they were saying, that is if you were not an Angel of the Lord, wings and halo and all. 

_” Cas and Dean are really adorable together, they are so sweet“_

_“Yeah I wish my jerk of a brother would stop hiding, it’s annoying”._

Cas furrowed his brows. So they knew. 

“What’s wrong? You have your bitch face on.” 

“Oh, nothing, Dean… just chatter on Angel Radio. Nothing important” 

“How come?” 

“One of the new angels broke the forge” 

“Sounds bad.” 

Cas shrugged and gently nudged Dean forward. Cas was forming a plan. He hoped Sam still left for runs at ungodly hours. 

*

* * *

Sam left at 5:45 am for his morning run. At that time he was alone on the walkway and everyone seemed to sleep, well, everyone human. He was half-way in his run when the air shifted. It wasn’t warm nor cold just… static. He felt like he was running under water. His hand darted to the back of his joggers where he stashed his blade but his body was pulled through the air and slammed to the side of a food shack. He felt an immense pressure on his chest. Adrenaline was pumping in his blood, eyes darting everyone in search of the new threat. He dropped his jaw when Cas rounded the corner and planted himself in front of Sam. 

“What the Hell Cas?!” 

“We need to have a chat” 

“Are you even Cas? Or where you tricking us from the begi….” His words were cut off by increasing pressure. _“Oh no…oh no…if this isn’t Cas, this will break Dean, oh my God”_

“You know about Dean and me. Don’t deny it. I saw you talking to Eileen last night. I am an Angel you should be farther away if you don’t want me seeing.” Cas whispered the last bit, face a few inches away from Sam’s, eyes glowing fiercely. 

“Dean is afraid of telling you about us because he thinks you’ll have a bad reaction. He thinks you will not want him around you anymore, that you’ll throw him out of the bunker, or beat him of Lord knows what else is going through his mind. I am here to tell you that is not going to happen. ** _I will not allow it_**. Hurt Dean like that, **_boy_** , and I’ll drag you to Purgatory and leave you there. Hell wouldn’t be much of punishment with your friend Rowena in charge.” 

The pressure on his chest was slightly lifted. Sam could breathe, but couldn’t form words for almost a minute. _“he’s protecting Dean…from me...”_

“Dammit, Cas, I am not going to do or say anything to Dean. I am happy for him. Happy for you both! I am keeping my mouth shut waiting for Dean to tell me!” 

The angel searched his face then his eyes landed on Sam’s chest before darting back to stare into the hunter’s eyes. _“He’s searching my soul?”._

“You are telling the truth, Sam”. Cas’ eyes flickered back to blue and the pressure on Sam’s chest disappeared. 

Sam grabbed Cas and slammed him against the shed. 

“The same goes for you, Castiel. Hurt Dean and I WILL make you hurt.” 

“I would never hurt Dean, not knowingly. But I wouldn’t imagine it any other way, Sam.” 

Sam let go of Cas. They both stayed there for a bit, awkward silence hanging between them. 

“You now Cas… It’s usually the brother that goes after the lover to threaten them with “hurt him I will kill you” speeches not the other way around” 

“When have I done things the right way?” 

“Yeah… I am happy for you two, I really am. In a way, I should have seen this coming. You two always fought for each other. He loves you.” 

“And I love him, dearly. I should get back to the hotel. If Dean wakes and I am not there he’ll be in a panic.” 

“Yeah, I should uh, finish my run” 

Cas nodded but before he could fly away Sam’s hand stopped him

“Hey Cas. Tell me… where’s this coming from? Dean not wanting to tell me?” 

“I can’t tell you Dean’s secrets, he confided in me.” 

“Was it Dad?” 

Cas didn’t answer with words but the look he gave Sam made it clear. He let go of the Angel’s shoulder and started running again, cursing his father. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We just know how Cas said that "boy" at the end.


	3. The concert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire comes down to Florida for a concert. Dean and Cas tag along

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a while but I was on an Ao3 bender, reading everything the TikTok fanfic club threw at me
> 
> Any italics are thoughts

Claire’s name popped up on Cas’ screen. Smiling fondly, he answered immediately:

“Hello, Claire. How are you?”

“Fine, Cas, I heard you guys were in Florida. I am heading that way right now. Do you have a case? Need some help, old man?”

“No, we’re actually on vacation in Clearwater. It was Dean’s idea.”

“That’s so sweet. Just the two of you?”

Cas sensed hope in her voice, which he didn’t understand.

“No, Sam and Eileen are here as well, it’s the four of us”

“Oh. Well, I’ll be there by noon. There’s this concert I want to go to but Kaia didn’t want to come. She doesn’t like The Pretty Reckless that much. We haven’t seen each other yet and I missed you. We could get together for some drinks tonight. How about that, Cas?”

“I think it’s going to be very nice. I’ll bring Dean along if that’s okay with you”

“Sure. See ya soon Dad”

Cas wanted to say something but she hung up. Guilt washed over him, remembering Jimmy. He tried to make amends by looking after the girl in the last years. Nothing much, really, just “how are you” texts and the open line. Claire had called him several times for advice or just to vent and he’d always listened. Now she called him “dad”. Why?

Cas was still pondering, starring at the phone when Dean placed a firm hand on his shoulder. The hunter just came out of the shower, towel gripped low on his hips.

“Hey, honeybee. What’s up?”

“Claire called, she said she’d be here by noon. Apparently she came for a concert but wants to see me as well. She proposed drinks tonight. Would you like to join us?”

“Yeah, sounds fun. I like that kid. Anything the matter?” Dean cupped Cas’ jaw and the Angel leaned in it.

“Claire called me Dad. I don’t understand why, Jimmy is dead and I’m not her father.”

“Maybe you misheard”

“My hearing is perfectly fine, Dean.”

“Don’t think too much about it, don’t ask her about it. Just… let her be.”

“Okay, Dean”

Dean was fumbling, getting dressed “We aren’t going to tell Claire about uhm… us. Okay?”

“Dean, why?”

“Why what?’

“Why shouldn’t we tell Claire? What did your father do to you? He’s the reason you won’t tell anyone else, isn’t he?”

“Cas, just don’t.”

“I remade you. I pieced your soul back together. I sculpted your body. I know your childhood was unhappy but I thought it was just the hunting but it’s much, much more, isn’t it? What happened Dean? Talk to me.”

“There’s really not much to talk about it”

“DEAN! This isn’t fair! You’re keeping me at an arms distance. We’ve been through Hell and worse together. You’ve seen my lowest, I’ve seen yours. WHY WON’T YOU TALK TO ME?”

“Cas… please… I can’t. I can’t go there now.”

Whooshflap

Dean raised his head and saw he was alone. A few minutes later he received a text with a time and a location. Dean realised it was the bar they would meet Claire at. Great.

They spent the entire morning apart, Dean sullenly drinking at the beach bar. “Castiel why do you always have to leave like that? They didn’t teach you about “See ya later” in Heaven kindergarten?

Dean cradled the beer bottle. Castiel’s words kept repeating inside his head. He was ruining this wasn’t he? “ _… Dad would call me names. Beat me up. He told me once he’d kill me if he caught me with a dude and honestly? I’ve always believed he’d do it. Dad was… complicated. There were things I had to do to feed Sammy. There were things I had to do to save money for Sammy’s college applications. Sam never knew that I made sure Dad never caught on on his dilapidations from the family fund.”_. Dean took another swing of beer. _“There were a lot of things that happened on top of other things that kept up happening and happening for years until Dad finally gave me my first fake credit card and started sending me off on my own. Where are you Cas?”_

whooshflap

“I’m sorry I left like that” Cas appeared on the free stool next to him.

“I’m sorry too. It’s a lot, it’s too much to adjust to, I’m…”

Cas stopped Dean’s rambling by taking his hand.

“You should stop drinking. It’s self-destructing.”

“Yeah…”

“I love you. I’ll wait for you”

Dean checked to make sure Sam or Eileen were not around and leaned in to kiss Cas.

“You never cease to intrigue me, Dean”

* * *

The bar was pirate themed, sea shanties blaring from the speakers, waitresses dressed in flimsy 18th century inspired dresses. Dean, Cas and Claire found a booth in the back. Dean caught Cas’ eyes. He’d wish he could kiss him right now, but Claire’s presence stopped him.

“So old men, how’s it going?” Claire pointed her beer bottle at them.

“We’re fine and were not that old, kiddo”

“Yeah, right, and that’s why you keep calling me kiddo. Okay, boomer” Claire rolled her eyes.

“HEY, I’m Gen X, okay? I’ll have none of that. You can say that to my father, if the son of a bitch was alive” Dean chuckled.

“I AM millions of years old, so I don’t mind, Claire”

“You’re freaking ANCIENT. I don’t think “okay, boomer” applies to you though, they’re too old…. More like Salve…anciento?...I don’t know Latin” Claire’s face scrunched up

“It would be … “Bene antiquis”, I believe” Cas was scrunching his face. “I haven’t really used Latin lately, it’s not that popular anymore”

“HA! Good. Bene antiquis” Claire was laughing out loud, rolling her head backwards.

“Latin is pretty important for a hunter, kiddo”

“Okay, gen X-er”

“Oh you really want to annoy me?”

“Always” Claire chuckled before turning back to the angel “I missed you Cas. When Sam called me to tell me that… you clocked out I was… I couldn’t believe it. I cried for days. I thought some shifter was messing with me when your name popped up on my phone two weeks ago. “

“It’s good to see you too. But you would have been fine, you had Jody and Kaia and Dean and Sam. You still had family here”

Claire smiled fondly at the Angel.

“So, kiddo, what brings you to God’s waiting room?” Dean perked up a bit

“There’s this concert tomorrow, it’s a band I like, The Pretty Reckless. I’m sure you haven’t heard of it”

“Not really, no. I like my classics.”

“You should listen to new music for time to time. Your ears won’t rot away. She sings really well.”

“And you’re going alone, right?” Cas asked

“Yeah, why, Daaaad?” Claire said in the most obnoxious teen voice she could produce.

Cas’ lips pursed and turned in a thin line.

“I didn’t mean anything by asking about it, Claire. Why wou….”

“Yeah, scratch that, what do you mean you want to go alone?” Dean cut Cas off and frowned at the young woman, pointing an accusing finger.

“Well, Kaia didn’t want to come so…” Claire shrugged.

Dean leaned forward and shook his head. “Nu-uh…no…we’re coming with you…”

“DEAN!” Claire rolled her eyes and threw up her arms.

“NO. You, alone at 24 at a concert with drunk frat boys in GROUPS? No. We’re coming. Think of it as family bonding time.”

“There won’t be frat boys…” Claire told to one because Cas and Dean were staring at each other, again.

“I am sure Claire can handle her…”

“CAS! I know she can handle herself but she’d be exposed! Blaring music, alcohol, young idiotic drunk boys, dark places… If someone stabs her no one will notice! If she screams for help no one will hear. And these concert things have this tight security going in you can’t pack a gun or a blade she’d be weapon less!”

Cas’ lips thinned even more, squinting his eyes at Claire, clearly calculating the risks.

“Guys… Really, no one will want to stab me, c’mon”

“Dean is right Claire. If you had someone with you it would have been fine. I agree with Dean. It will be safer if we came.”

“Guyyyyys”

“Think of it this way kiddo… you don’t raid a vamp nest alone, right?

“No…

“Then you don’t go to loud, poorly lit concerts alone AND weaponless.”

Claire opened her mouth to protest some more but watching Dean’s set, rock hard expression made her reconsider. Not because she had the slightest fear of going alone, but because she recognized a feeling she hadn’t had in years: the annoyance when her father was overprotective, how he’d be adamant to take her everywhere and then pick her up, even when her Mom argued she could handle herself. She reminiscent on how he dotted on her. She glanced at Cas and found a similar expression on his face. She pushed back tears as she realized she had, in a way, two dads. Dean did call it “family bonding time”. If Claire was honest with herself, which she was for the first time in years, she did want to spend more time with them. “Okay, we’ll go together or whatever, but I have one condition”.

“Right… come on spit it out” Dean flicked his arm in a “give it to us” motion.

“Cas gets new clothes. I am NOT standing next to him in a suit and trench coat”.

“Agreed”.

Dean and Claire clicked beer bottles ignoring Cas’ mumbles about how pointless human obsession with clothes was.

* * *

Claire was picking rock concert appropriate T shirts for Cas while the angel was trotting along behind her.

“Do you prefer Iron Maiden or Led Zeppelin? We should get you a flannel shirt as well. Dean said he bought you jeans right?”

“He bought me blue jeans, yes.” Cas was studying the two T shirts and frowned at the Iron Maiden “I’ll take the Led Zeppelin one. Can we go now?”

“No! You have to try it on. And we still don’t have the flannel or the jacket”

“Jacket?”

“You’re NOT going in a trenchcoat Cas!”

Cas flicked through the T-shirts picking up a different Led Zeppelin one, with the album art for Physical Graffiti on it.

“I’ll try this one. It’s Dean’s favorite album, we listen to it often.”

They moved to the flannel rack, looking at a sea of red, black, maroon, and blue. Claire shoved a blue and white plaid shirt at Cas.

“Here, this’ll make your eyes pop and Dean’s jaw to drop”

Cas squinted his eyes at Claire. “You think I want to impress Dean?”

“Of course you want to impress Dean, he’s not getting any younger. Pretty soon the sex won’t be fun anymore.”

“Claire, I don’t know what you’re…”

“Oh, COME ON CAS. You’ve been tip-toeing each other for years. I want you two crazy kids to be happy. Buying the tee with his favorite album? That’s courtship. Now we’ll complete the look with this shirt that will make your eyes even dreamier. Although I am not sure how the brown from the album clashes with the blue shirt… oh there’s some blue on the cover but… Hmm I’ll keep searching… oh a black one! You look good in black!” Claire flung two shirts at a speechless Cas.

She grabbed his hand and dragged him to the changing rooms. On the way she snagged a pair of blue jeans so she could see how it all came together.

Cas came out in the blue jeans, the Physical Graffiti tee, and the first blue flannel. Claire wrinkled her nose. “Yeah, that flannel doesn’t work with the tee. Put one of the black ones.”

Cas switched the shirts. The first one, black and white got the thumbs down from both Claire and Cas but the black and charcoal one suited the angel fine.

“Now….boots. What’s your shoe size?” Cas answered and asked why so Claire continued. “You need boots, the Oxfords don’t work with all… this. ” Claire gestured at Cas’s outfit. “Oh… what shade of blue are the jeans?”

“What shade?”

“Yeah like are they dark like these of baby blue?”

“Well… they’re fairly lightly coloured. A pale blue.”

“Now that’s not gonna work.”

“Claire I don’t think it’s necc…”

“IT’S VITAL Cas! You’re going in all black, it will make you look good. Or at least a darker shade of jeans. Baby blue jeans are a NO. Stay here, I’ll go get the boots and a black pair of jeans”.

Cas looked at himself in the mirror. He liked the way the shirt and flannel fitted him loosely. He moved around, stretched his arms – yes, he had full mobility. Even better than the suit. Why did he always wear that again?

Claire re-appeared with the black jeans. After trying them on, they both agreed the dark blue ones were best. The boots also fitted him well so they agreed to buy them as well.

“You’re dashing, Dad” she smiled at him

“Claire, I am not you father”

“I… I know Cas. After Sam said you died for good I felt bad I didn’t actually got to tell you that I… forgive you. For everything. It was war and my father is a hero for giving up his body. And then you survived and he didn’t. It’s fine, he’s in Heaven. We can’t change the fact that he is dead. But you’re not, and you’re always there if I need you. That’s what Dads do, and I like to call you that. Does it… bother you?”

“No, it’s just… I’m in your father’s body, I was concerned…”

“I know you’re not my father. He’s been dead since the First Apocalypse, right?” Cas nodded and Claire continued “so it’s been just you in there for 10 years. It’s your body. I’d lie if I said your face doesn’t remind me of Jimmy and it doesn’t hurt sometimes but you’re your own person. It’s like father had a secret twin of something. Can I call you Dad now and then?”

Cas hugged Claire. “I am honored you see me like that.”

Cas thought about it and, really Claire already knew he loved Dean so he could be honest about his feelings. ”You think I’ll impress Dean like this? I… I want to impress him”

” Yeah… he will like you, Cas, I am sure.”

Cas gave her a timid smile. He changed back in his normal attire with the items to be bought in his right arm. Walking to the register Claire hung herself on Cas’ left arm.

“So, I am thinking coffee and a snack now and then some more shopping. We still need the jacket. I haven’t been in a mall in too long. We’re going to talk about you and Dean. We need to see how to make that dumbass see that you two are perfect for each other”

“Claire…”

“Don’t worry about it. Dean likes you. He can’t get his eyes off you. We just need to nudge him in the right direction.”

“Claire…” Cas rolled his eyes _“if only Dean would let me tell you”_

A middle-aged woman came behind them, dragging a teenage daughter. “Honestly Barbara, you shouldn’t be wearing these things. If you complain more I won’t even buy the flannel.” The girl closed her mouth tight and stayed behind her mother. “Look at all this”, she carried on gesturing to the closest band tee, one featuring Godsmack, “Satanists, godless people. It’s a sin even to be here.”

Claire leaned more into Cas to whisper in his ear. “Hey, so about that trip to Hell for listening to rock… “

“I can’t do anything about that. Only people that listen to Beyonce can go to Heaven” Cas whispered back.

“Have you no shame?” the woman was even closer, chin-up, looking at Cas, accusingly

“I’m sorry?”

“Frolicking with a woman half your age in public? She… She’s so young she could be your own daughter! Children might see you and then what? Think about their fragile minds ”

Cas tilted his head in confusion.

“Mind your damn business” Claire growled

“Oh you…”

“No, shut up, and back off before I make you back off”

“Claire…”

“What?”

“Allow me”

Cas turned to the woman, dipping his voice even lower “she IS my daughter, but… even if she wasn’t, what other people do, willingly and freely, is none of your concern. Others are not responsible for your children, you are. And the road to Hell… is paved with bad intentions. The things you do for the reasons you do them?” Cas’ eyes scanned the woman’s face and chest, “that gets you in Hell, not the music one listens to. And you’re destined to perdition.”

The woman looked like someone slapped her but managed to open her mouth to form words. “How dare you? I am a God-fearing woman and I abide by His rules. I…”

“I have no interest in continuing this conversation, it is pointless.” Cas turned his back on the woman. He handed his clothes to the clerk, paid, and left with Claire in tow, leaving the woman bereft of the argument she wanted.

* * *

Claire entered the Starbucks with confidence, striding up to the counter. She eyed Cas, “So what do you want to drink?”

Cas shrugged “I don’t really know, Claire. These seem, very… complex” he squinted and tilted his head while perusing the menu

“Trust me on this one, ancient one?”

“Sure, go ahead”

“Alrighty then!” Claire stepped up to the clerk leaned in and started speaking what basically was to Cas an unknown language “So I’ll have a Venti Caramel Frappucino with two extra pumps of salted caramel, one extra pump of vanilla, one extra espresso shot and….oh make it almond milk and for my Dad… '' Claire turned to gauge Cas before continuing “he’ll have a Vanilla Bean Creme Frappuccino with 2 extra pumps of raspberry syrup” she ended, clearly satisfied with herself. The clerk eyed Cas with a mixture of disbelief and pity before passing the order along to the barista. Cas failed to understand the look he got when he picked up the pinkest drink he had ever seen while Claire was grinning like a 10-year-old. They seated themselves in a more secluded corner, cradling their drinks. Claire eyed him expecting his reaction as he took the first sip.

“It’s certainly something. Very sweet I guess. There is very little coffee in this” he furrowed his brows in confusion, “you said you wanted to get coffee”

“Well, compared to Dean’s _I-want-to-have-a-heart-attack-now_ coffee, it’s a soft drink, but Starbucks is not about the coffee, it’s about the sweet silly drinks and feeling good” Claire shrugged. “That is known as the “cotton candy frappuccino”. I thought you may like it”.

“I don’t think the drink is silly, although I don’t understand why they seemed to expect me to react to this” Cas raised the pink monstrosity “in some way. What were they expecting?”

“Oh Cas….” Claire softened looking at the angel “you see, people have made these… predetermined roles for men and women. Society really woke up and said boys can’t cry or boys can’t like silly pink drinks or girls can’t like guns or girls can’t fight. A lot of people, actually a majority of people think that is just how it should be. They find comfort in this I guess. That’s why they eyed you - they expected you to be mad because I made you a silly pink drink - real men aren’t supposed to like silly girly pink drinks. Real men can’t love other men and so forth.” she gave him a pointed look, arching an eyebrow.

“I don’t really understand. Humans have made up so many rules that make no sense. You say many humans see things this way?”

“A lot of them, yes. Judgemental bastards that made the society a really shitty place to live in.”

“Do you think… Dean might have encountered such people?”

“Dean’s dad was from Kansas right?” although formed as a question it was not really one. “Ex-military. I am pretty sure daddy dearest made sure his son got the message about what a real manly man is.”

Cas sipped his drink in silence and Claire did the same. They stayed like that, quiet for a few minutes before Claire opened her mouth again “So after we find the jacket and after I find something new to wear we’ll go back to the hotel, you’ll change and then we’ll go to Dean’s room and see his reaction. All three of us could go for dinner after.”

“We won’t have to walk very far, our room is just… ours” Cas replied absent-mindedly while toying with the straw. He was thinking about judgemental assbutts, remembering the ebbs and flows of Dean’s soul while he rebuilt him. As beautiful as he is Cas did remember shadows and pains inflicted upon that soul and not by Hell. His mental ramblings were interrupted by Claire’s reaction.

“OUR ROOM? CAS, OUR ROOM?” “OUR room? OUR? CAS did you and Dean FINALLY got your shit together and you HAVEN’T told me? I’ve been trying all morning to make you see the truth and maybe confess to Dean and you’re actually together?”

“Claire, no, it’s not like that”

“OUR ROOM? NOT LIKE THAT??? YOU’RE PLATONICALLY SHARING A ROOM WITH THE GUY YOU’VE BEEN EYE-FUCKING FOR YEARS? You want me to believe that? Do you think I’m stupid? Do you think I didn’t see Dean totally checking you out last night? He didn’t even look ONCE at all those hot chicks in ripped dresses! OH and I READ the _Winchester gospels_ CAS. I KNOW”

“You’ve read Chuck’s books?” Cas had to admit defeat. He couldn’t mend it anymore. “Dean didn’t want to tell anyone, I am trying to respect his wishes, please let us change the subject”

“But you two are a thing now?”

Cas looked pained “I’m…”

“I’m not going to advertise that I know but if I DON’T KNOW I’ll be obligated to tease him about you all night. If I’d know I wouldn’t have to pester him”

Cas threw his _I-will-smite-you_ glare “Are you blackmailing me?”

“Yes, yes I am. So do you prefer to tell me the whole deal or will I pester Dean all night with questions and insinuations?”

“Why are you like this?”

“An angel of the Lord possessed my father and left for war and then another much, much douchier angel kidnapped and killed my mom,” Claire said flatly, sipping coffee while maintaining eye contact.

Cas sighed deeply. “You will not pester or tease Dean about anything tonight. You’ll let him have a good night. He doesn’t like talking about emotions or relationships.”

“Yeah, yeah sure. Spill the tea already.”

“Why would I spill the tea?”

“It’s… never mind, just tell me already”

“Yes. Dean and I are together. We’ve been together since I came back. I… I actually flew back because Dean called me.”

Claire squealed and hugged Cas. “Good for you! I am happy for the both of you! Why doesn’t he want people to know?”

Cas’ lips pressed tight, becoming one single fine line. “That wasn’t part of the terms of your deal”

“Okay, okay I got it. I’m backing off. How do you feel about Dean keeping you two a secret?”

“Claire!”

“What? This isn’t about him, it’s about you. How are you?”

“I’m… I don’t know. These feelings are hard to understand.” Cas’ eyes flickered from side to side as if the answers were written in the air

“You don’t like the feelings?”

“Not these, no” Cas slumped a bit in his chair, looking distraught.

“Well then I guess you don’t like the secrecy”

“No. I don’t think that I do. I would like to kiss him whenever I like. I don’t even know when or where I can touch him. I just… wait for him to do something or say something. Sometimes he’ll kiss me regardless of people around us other times he’ll sit as far away from me as possible. I know he doesn’t want anyone we know to know. It’s…. I feel bad because I told him I’m fine with hiding but now that we actually are together I want more.”

“You shouldn’t feel bad for wanting more. It’s normal to want to be openly together.”

“It’s hard for Dean”

“It’s the dude-shaped thing, isn’t it?”

“Claire, please, let’s talk about something else”

“Alright, I’ll say one last thing and I’ll shut up forever, or at least for now. Tell Dean to tell me. Point it out that I am also gay. Tell him I’ve been teasing you. I might be able to help him as a fellow gay person.”

Cas nodded.

They went back in the mall. It didn’t take them long to find a jacket and some new flannels for Claire. They agreed to meet up at the hotel later and leave together for the concert.

* * *

Dean and Cas where alone in their room. Cas was patting down the t-shirt. He had changed in the concert clothes way too early but he was nervous. He kept looking sideways in the mirror, his back towards the door. He knew Claire was right and Dean would like his new outfit. He heard Dean return from lunch and felt his eyes on his person. Dean cleared his throat.

“You look really good, Cas” Dean smiled at the angel and went in for a kiss. _“I love you so much, I really like how you look in normal clothes. The holy accountant look is nice too but I really really like this”_

Cas licked Dean’s bottom lip, catching it between his teeth, eliciting a moan from the hunter’s throat. Dean opened his mouth, granting permission and Cas licked the insides, going in for a deep passionate kiss. He put the fingers of his right hand in the dark blonde hair while cupping Dean’s jaw with the other. Dean was lost in sensation, pressing his hands on Cas’ lower back, pulling him closer, closer, pressing his hips onto his own, sliding his hands on his asscheeks and placing them in the jean’s back pockets. _“I want you. I want you inside me. I want every inch of you inside me. I want you to take control and fuck me senseless”_

Cas broke the kiss, angling his head to catch Dean’s eyes.

“I want that too” and went back in but this time Dean pushed him back, hands on his hip bones.

“You want that too…. what?”

“To be inside you Dean. To, as you put it, fuck you senseless”

Hearing Cas dirty talk like that made Dean weak in the knees. He could feel his throbbing erection in his jeans and did an involuntary roll into Cas’ hips but Dean had to get his mind out of the gutter and focus on the thing that scared him the most right then.

“Are you reading my thoughts?”

“What? No. You prayed to me.”

“I… I didn’t think that was praying, I…”

“If you longed for me and were addressing me in your head it’s prayer. I am not reading your mind”

 _“I like wearing silk panties”_ Did you hear that?”

Cas frowned “No, of course not, like I said I can only hear your prayers”

_“I think you’re hot”_

“I don’t really care much about physical appearance but I will admit you also are an attractive man” Cas put a chaste kiss on his lips.

“Did you…. I mean…” Dean was afraid

“Why are you so afraid Dean?”

“I… I think it’s uhm… you heard me and I… I uhm”

“You’ll say to me when you’re ready, I love you too.”

_“I love you. I love you. I don’t know why it always gets stuck in my throat. I love you”_

Cas pressed his cheek on Dean’s and caught his ear lobe in his mouth, sucking on it. He whispered, hot air tickling Dean’s ear “I know, I know. It’s fine,”

“I don’t deserve you”

“It’s not about deserving or not. I don’t love you because you deserve it. I love you because I just do. Good things do happen, Dean”

* * *

“I was thinking maybe we should tell Claire. I think… I think you might benefit from talking to her. She is also non-conforming according to current societal norms'' Cas was stroking Dean’s forehead as he laid his head on his chest. They were naked on the bed enjoying the afterglow of their make-out session, both utterly spent. Dean hummed against his chest, Cas enjoying the low vibration coursing through his body and grace.

“I don’t know, buddy, I’m not sure how she’ll feel about us, you know?”

“Dean, she likes you. She likes us. It’s going to be fine”

“But…”

“No buts. You should tell Claire”

Dean lifted his head to protest but Cas silenced his arguments with a kiss.

“O-okay Cas. I’ll drive her to the dinner, just the two of us and you’ll show up there. How does that sound?’

“Good.”

Cas kissed Dean again.

“Just 10 more minutes?”

Cas smiled warmly “Yes, we can manage that”

Dean snuggled closer, nuzzling his head in the crook of Cas’ neck.

* * *

Dean greeted Claire in front of the hotel, dragging her in a tight hug.

“Ugh, easy there”

“Hey, kid”

“Where’s Cas?”

“He had some business to get to in Heaven but he’ll meet us at the diner.”

“He still works for Heaven?”

“Think of it more as an independent contractor kind of thing. He goes up, helps with the rebuilt. Advises Jack. He’s never gone more than a few hours and he’s already been up there for 2.”

“Oh good good”

They got in the Impala. Dean handed her the box of cassettes and said “Choose one”

“What? I thought it was “driver picks the music, shotgun shuts their cakehole” so what gives?”

“You visit us so rarely that I feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I suggest you take the opportunity with grace.”

Claire rummaged through the box, setting aside a disturbing number of cassettes. “People have been writing music even AFTER 1979, you know right?” Claire set the box aside, yanked her backpack from the backseat and after a few seconds she got out a cylindrical device Dean was slightly unsure of.

“What’s that?”

“Really? And you expect me to NOT call you old man? It’s a Bluetooth speaker, duh. I’m gonna connect my phone. It’s time I’ll show you that Led Zeppelin aren’t the only musicians out there”

Dean mumbled something Claire chose to ignore while she was scrolling after the perfect song. Girl in Red was soon blasting through the speaker.

> _I've been hiding for so long_
> 
> _These feelings, they're not gone_
> 
> _Can I tell anyone?_
> 
> _Afraid of what they'll say_
> 
> _So I push them away_
> 
> _I'm acting so strange_
> 
> _They're so pretty, it hurts_
> 
> _I'm not talking 'bout boys, I'm talking 'bout girls_

Claire was singing along, enjoying herself. She caught Dean’s eyes – “Women, amirite?”

Dean chuckled “Yeah, women are nice… I … uhm” he coughed once, twice trying to build up the courage to add _“and men too”_ out loud but the words died behind his lips.

“So… I was thinking of taking Kaia on a trip myself, kinda like you crazy kids”

“Oh where too?”

“I haven’t decided. I have to make sure we aren’t going to get looks or worse.”

“How… how do you deal with that?”

“You ignore the idiots. You won’t change their mind and ultimately they don’t even matter.”

“How… how did you know?”

“Hmmm… girls give me the butterflies. Looking at them, it makes me feel good. My body… reacts, you know?”

Dean knew what she was talking about. An image of Lee floated in front of him. Then he remembered Aaron, his… “totally-not-gay-thing” and how disappointed he’d been when the guy outright rejected him. And that damn siren that turned in a guy. And then, of course, Cas. He loved the angel but he would be a damn liar if he’d say the guy’s body didn’t make him feel butterflies in his stomach.

“Dean, penny for your thoughts? You’re awfully silent”

“I… Claire, Cas and I…. we’re….” he trailed off.

The silence was pressing hard. He stole a glance towards Claire, sitting calmly in the passenger’s seat, music filling the space.

> _Dig deep, can't hide_
> 
> _From the corners of my mind_
> 
> _I'm terrified of what's inside_

“We’re happy you came to see us. Cas cares for you”

Dean could have sworn Claire looked disappointed before she answered. “I’m happy to see you too”

They spent the rest of the way talking about music, Claire showing him every queer artist she could think of. When they got there Cas was already in a booth, playing idly with a cup of coffee.

Dean shot a quick prayer to inform the angel he couldn’t tell her before taking his place on the couch. Soon they were eating and talking light heartedly.

* * *

The concert was pretty loud, Dean, Cas and Claire were bobbing to the rhythm, Claire was swinging the most wildly. Dean was scanning the crowd, and met Cas’ eyes after doing a 360.

_“A vamp could have a field day here, Cas. Who would hear anything?”_

Cas nodded in agreement. The music was so loud Dean resorted to prayer to have at least half a conversation with Cas.

_“Those guys are looking too much at Claire”_

Cas flicked his eyes to the three bikers that kept glancing at Claire. He gave a quick dismissive nod.

> _And every time i look inside your eyes_
> 
> _You make me wanna die_

“The drums aren’t so bad. This chick rock isn’t that bad” Dean yelled in Claire’s ear

“I told you!”

The songs changed, the concert went on.

Dean caught Cas’ eyes again. Claire was jumping up and down a few feet in front of them careless but the crowd was boiling. They were being pressed together more and more by the crowd, pushed at, pulled at. Dean caught the formation of a mosh pit in his peripheral vision and he realised there was a risk they could be trampled by people moving to join the mosh pit or people running away from it

Dean grabbed Cas tightly by the waist _“Hold tight babe. This is going to get a lot more touchy, Where’s Claire?”_

Claire had been swept forward by the crowd, some pushing, some pulling. She was looking for them but she couldn’t see them nor fight the current of people moving toward the ever-growing mosh pit. Suddenly she went down, tripping on something. Dean could have sworn he felt feathers on his neck and in the next second they were by Claire’s side. Cas placed a hand on her shoulder, lifting her up. Dean blinked once and suddenly all three were on the sides, away from the moshing and further to the quieter side where food, drinks and bathrooms were. Once safe Cas let go of Claire but Dean was not letting go of Cas, his hand squeezing the angel’s waist. He was clinging tightly to the angel’s warm body. Cas casually snuck his hand in Dean’s back pocket. Dean placed a kiss on Cas’ lips quickly, reassuring. Cas squeezed his ass through the jeans. It all happened in under a minute but even in the dark Claire couldn’t miss all that.

“So, you two are fucking?” Claire said now that they could hear each other again.

Dean’s head snapped to Claire. “What?” he released Cas’ waist

“What?” she parroted

“Claire that was rude” Cas interjected, squinting his eyes at the young woman.

Claire put her hands up “Sorry, sorry, didn’t mean to make it sound like that”, she smiled and patted Dean on the shoulder giving him a grin and a thumbs up. “He’s a catch you know. And anyway all kids want their parents to get along, right?”

“Claire, what are you talking about?” Dean said slowly

“Oh my God, Dad. I want you to get along with Dad” and pointed at Cas. “I’m going to get more beer and go to the bathroom. Not in that order, you get the point, I'll get you some too.” and she left.

“She called me Dad” Dean said, awe-struck.

“Yes, she called me that too.”

“Cas… are… we’re parents?”

Cas’ brow furrowed in confusion. “You do realize Jack sees the two of us as his parents, right? And now it seems Claire also does that. So yes, we’re parental figures.”

“I….” Dean’s brain seemed to spazz out

“You never realised” Cas seemed amused.

“And now she knows about us.”

“Yes?”

“And she’s FINE with us? Even… happy for us?”

Cas made the show of placing the back of his hand on Dean’s forehead. “You seem healthy, I don’t understand why it is so hard for you to process things. Yes, we’re at least half parents, yes, Claire knows because you kissed me just now and YES Claire is happy for us. Everything is alright. Good things do happen” he ended his speech with a kiss, or two or three on Dean’s lips.

Claire shoved solo cups with beer in their faces much sooner than they expected her to come back

“Claire” Dean cleared his voice “uhm...Cas and me… we’re a thing, and I am very happy”

“Good” Claire grinned, “Cheers to that then, you grumpy old fucks”

“That’s no way of talking to your old man” Dean chastised

“Ha ha, come on, it’s all in good spirit” she punched his shoulder with her free hand,

“I know you little snowflake”

“Oooooh that was low”

“So is old fuck”

“Ok, Ok, you’ve made your point Dean. I solemnly swear to never remind you how actually old you two” She took a gulp of beer. “So when’s the wedding?

“Oh come on, you’re gonna use all the bad jokes in the book? What’s next? Dean and Cas were sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G?”

“Not yours dude, Sam and Eileen’s.”

“That… is a good questions I’ll HAVE to torture my brother with. He hasn’t proposed yet”

“Ha! Count me in.”

They finished the beer and went back in the crowd to enjoy the music. Claire stayed much closer to Dean and Cas for the remainder of the concert

* * *

Cas was riding shotgun, Dean humming to Credence Clearwater Revival. Claire was lying on the backseat but she wasn’t sleeping even though her body was sore from the concert. She was staring at the ceiling and remembered how easy she went down in that mosh pit.

“Hey Dean”

“Uhm?”

“You were right”

“Kid?”

“That mosh pit. I tripped on nothing and I couldn't get up. You were right. Thank you for coming with me and looking out for me”

“Well, we’re here for you. Me and Cas. You know our numbers. Hell, you don’t even need reception you can always pray and Cas’ll pick that up, right honeybee?”

“Of course. Pray to me and we’ll be there”

“Thanks Dads.”

Dean’s heart melted and his voice was shaking when he spoke “hey kid...I don’t have children of my own, and well seeing I’m with a dude-shaped angel, that’s not gonna happen but uhm… it’s my honour… to be your Dad.”

Claire smiled, her eyes welling up. “I hated you guys at the beginning. Blamed you for everything but I see now none of you really had any other choices back then. I miss my father, I miss my mother but I’ve found a family. I started calling Jody Mom. I think she cried the night I told her. I love you guys. And Uncle Moose too.”

Dean laughed so loud, head tilting back

“Uncle Moose, oh my God that is hilarious. Did you know the former King of Hell, Crowley called him Moose?”

“Yeah… and you were Squirrel right?”

“...Yes?” Dean felt the dangling sword over his head.

“I’m going to tell my future nephew or niece or nibling ALL about the adventures of Uncle Squirrel and Father Moose”

“What about me?” Cas turned to watch Claire

“You’re Uncle Cas”

“What, no nicknames for him? How is that fair?”

“Cas is a nickname bruh”

“No, nu-uh. If I am Squirrel and Sam is Moose… Cas is...Uncle Bird”

“How is that any better?” Cas asked

“I never said it would be better for you”

Cas rolled his eyes so far in his head Dean was certain he could see the insides of his skull.

They rode silently for a time, Dean cleansing his ears with all the classics

> _Come on baby, don't fear the reaper_
> 
> _Baby take my hand, don't fear the reaper_
> 
> _We'll be able to fly, don't fear the reaper_
> 
> _Baby I'm your man_

Dean swallowed hard. He glanced in the rearview mirror, angling it to check on Claire. She was sleeping, mouth hanging open

“You said once you’ll reap me?”

“Yes. I will not let anyone else touch your soul. You’re mine”

“Wow… a bit possessive there buddy, don’t you think?”

Cas tilted his head and squinted his eyes. “Your soul is your most intimate part. It’s, in a way, your true form. You’ve… opened it to me, laid it bare for me to love. You’re mine. I’ve raised you from the depths of Hell I’ll take you to your rightful place in Heaven”

Dean never liked possessive chicks but somehow it looked good on Cas. Some animalistic part of his brain was tickled in a good way. Cas had a hungry look, an aggressive glint in his eyes. Dean would pity any angel or reaper who would try to touch his soul if the mere idea of it made Cas look like a cornered wolf. “And Sammy?”

“What about him?”

“You’ll reap him too?”

“Dean…”

“Ok, I’m asking you. When the time comes for Sam, help him pass peacefully, okay? He’s my brother. I have to take care of him.”

“You take care of him because you love him and you want to. You don’t have to do it anymore Dean. I’ll reap Sam, if that makes it easier for you.”

“Thanks”

Dean let his hand fall on Cas’ knee, giving a tight squeeze

_“I love you so much, honeybee”_

Cas intertwined his fingers with Deans “I know. Me too”

* * *

Claire shared lunch time with Dean, Cas, Sam and Eileen before heading back to Sioux Falls to meet up with Kaia at Jody’s.

Dean was a bit nervous about the entire thing and before they entered the diner he stalled Claire by calling her back at the Impala

“Hey Claire-bear, come check these, I think this uhm...is your stuff in my trunk”

“That rusty machete is not mine. Mine are so shiny I can put my make-up looking in them”

“Ha ha… but seriously… uhm...Sammy doesn’t know so…”

“Yeah… I know but… I think you’ve not realised how damn obvious you two are.”

“What?”

“I’ve read the Carver Edlund books, you idjit.” Claire ignored Dean’s jaw dropping and carried on “….You know how rom-coms have that make-over montage bit where the chick gets all dolled up to meet her prince?”

“Yeah, I do, what about those?”

“I took Cas for his make-over montage. I had all my speeches ready to try and make that awkward angel understand. I knew you had feelings for each other for years and those damned books confirmed everything. I just wanted to shove Cas in the right direction and when I shoved he slipped.”

Dean looked like he could murder Cas but Claire placed her hands on his shoulders bringing his focus back on her

“Dean… You know that whole “Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?”, well the answer is YES. He is an Angel of the Lord that literally fell from Heaven for YOU. It doesn’t get more rom-com than that, or epic love story for that matter. He’s changed his life 180 just because of you. He needs to be with you openly, Dean. He’s not going to say anything and he’ll deny it from here to Heaven and back but he’s hurting because he has to hide his feelings. Sam knows I’m gay and he’s fine with it, he’s going to be fine with you”

Dean couldn’t speak, his brain was firing 1001 alarms at once.

“I won’t say anything but, Goddamit Dean, you have to come clean, for all your sakes. You live with Sam!”

Claire turned and went into the restaurant.

The lunch went on fine, laughter across the table. Dean and Cas stole touches under the table and glances above it. Dean tried as much as possible to ignore Claire’s dagger-eyes.

They parted with lots of hugs and promises to see each other soon enough.

That night while going to sleep pressed to Cas’ torso Dean started mapping the plan of his coming out to Sam and Eileen.


End file.
